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I think I learned my lesson

May 18, 2011

Thanks for all of the comments and feedback in last week’s post about the J.O.Y. rule. It seems that really resonated with a lot of you. I like the conversations that it generated outside of the post as well. It’s really fun having someone come up to me and talk about something they read that I wrote. It also encourages me to keep going.

I’ve been writing Wednesday posts for a couple of months now. I really enjoyed the weekly posts and will keep it up as long as I can. Until today, I haven’t had a problem coming up with ideas and words to write, but today I’m just drawing blank. So I am just writing and hoping for the best.

I don’t know where you live, but here in Nashville, it is cold! I am wearing a winter sweater and am thankful that I used my oven to make dinner tonight and the heat is now warming my apartment. Even though I was born in Nebraska, I was designed for warm weather. The cloudy days are just beating on me! Each day I think, “You can make it through today because tomorrow will be sunny”. A woman can only say this to herself for so long before she gets tired of seeing clouds. And folks, I am tired of seeing clouds.

Do you ever have days when you’re just…done?

I had another moment like that once. The memory tried to make me smile today, but it didn’t really work.

Years ago, I was supposed to go camping for the weekend with my roommate and her friends. My brakes had started to leak that day, so I had to buy brake fluid so I could drive. Because I had to stop, I couldn’t follow my roommate to the campsite, which if you know me at all, is always a bad idea. I am well-known in my family for getting lost when driving to new places. My roommate couldn’t wait, because the park closed at 6. They had to get there and get settled, so that I could sneak in after them.

I finally arrive at the park. It’s not dark yet, so I park in the parking lot outside of the gates and am supposed to walk to meet them. Only, I walked in the wrong direction.

This is where the trip started to go sour.

I walked down a trail, carrying my backpack and sleeping bag, for about a mile (well, at least if felt like a mile and I walked a good 20 min, so a mile must be accurate – right?). I finally realized that this was NOT right. I was tired, I was confused, I was grouchy about my brakes, grouchy about having to meet up with them, and grouchy because part of me really didn’t want to go in the first place. I really liked my roommate, and her friends, but they were mostly her friends, and I think that most of them were couples.

At this point, I dropped everything was carrying, and gave God an ultimatum (since that’s always a good idea). I was just certain that if I wasn’t single, if I wasn’t trying to get there on my own, that none of this would have happened. I would have had a man to help me with my car, to navigate, to know exactly where we were going. And if he got lost, well then we would have been at least walking the trail together instead of me trying to go at it on my own. Because of course, relationships solve everything. So I dropped everything, and told God that he had precisely until the end of the day to bring me the man of my dreams who would sweep me off of my feet (and solve all of my problems).

scream and shout

Photo Credit

Ahem. Well. Not one of my better moments.

I finally ended up where I was supposed to be, meeting up with the rest of the group. Except for one person, a man, who was on his way (he must have been looking for me).

This guy shows up, and here I am thinking “dang, God, you’re good”.

For about 30 seconds.

Then said man began talking and quickly revealing his character. I think it took less than 3 minutes for me to laugh and understand. “Ok, God. I get your point. I certainly don’t mind waiting now”.

Truthfully, it was probably more like, “heck no. I would never consider dating that guy, so I take back that ultimatum and will wait as long as I need to. I’d rather wait until I’m 80 than date him”. (I’m sure he’s a great man, just not my great man.)

So on a day when I was just fed up with my current circumstances, I fought with God. And today I’m doing it again. I’m done with the clouds and cold weather, and it’s time for some sunshine. I know better now than to speak an ultimatum but…I won’t say I don’t want to. Some days, it’s best just to know exactly where you’re at and what you’re feeling, because then you have material to work with. And, if the clouds are out on Wednesday, I’ve got friends on standby and a God who loves enough to not listen to my ultimatums.

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. May 21, 2011 8:17 am

    Hi Kyla,

    I read this once, and it’s not verbatim, but it went a little something like this: “If you find yourself fighting with God, the only way to win is to give up. If you fight with God and God lets you win, you have really lost.”

    Over the years, I’ve given God ultimatums, threats, rants, attitude, etc. Esp. when it came to women and relationships. Oh good gravy, I hear you on that one. I’m 34, I didn’t meet my wife until I was 32, we got married last year. So I spent most…okay, all of my 20’s trying to make deals with God so I could meet…her. The woman of my spankin’ dreams, my Boo. You would not believe the conniption I threw when I turned thirty, and still single. And all my friends were married. And I was diagnosed with a rare illness which decreased my chances of finding a good woman (or so I believed). It. Was. Epic. But here I sit, with a new wife, a new kidney, and a new baby girl on the way.

    God is good, despite our tendency to give ultimatums, complain, or act a fool. Thank you for this post and for sharing your story. This comment is getting long, so remind me to tell you another story about me fighting with God about a girl, a Caedmon’s Call concert, and a truck full of chickens. Peace.

    • kylajoyful permalink*
      May 24, 2011 12:11 pm

      Jermaine, Thank you for this thoughtful comment. I’ve thought of that quote several times in the last few days. I enjoyed hearing another piece of your story, and congratulations on your daughter! Exciting. I do want to hear that other story, mostly the part about the chickens. I’m still fighting God about the weather, especially with the disasters that have happened, but ultimatums don’t get me very far. 🙂

  2. Jeff permalink
    May 19, 2011 11:34 pm

    You? Get Lost? Never! Whoever says so is sorely mistaken…LOL!!!!! One of my best memories though Kyla Joy.

    • kylajoyful permalink*
      May 20, 2011 8:28 am

      That trip, Jeff, was my masterpiece.

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