There are a few occasions in life where I’m left completely speechless. Meaning, I cannot come up with words to describe my thoughts and emotions for what just happened. This is one of them. Check it out.
Best part of my weekend? Community
Worst part of my weekend? Getting up at 6:30 on a Saturday.
Greatest joys in life? Community. Getting into the deep. Jesus.
Greatest sadness? Uhm…being sad. and injustice.
Strengths? Encouragement, empathy
Weaknesses? I work too hard. I care too much. And sometimes I can be too invested in my job. (sorry, I couldn’t resist a good Michael Scott quote)
So, I had a great weekend. Life is going well, which I’m eternally grateful for and soaking in every moment. I leave work in 30 minutes for “Monday Night”, the best part of every week. I love the 6-hr version of Pride and Prejudice, which is a miracle since I hate long movies (please, don’t force me to watch LOTR). I think I mostly enjoy watching this one with great women and sharing life with them. I am running out of ideas and topics for this blog. This will be my last post for some time. Unless, of course, I happen to post again.
And scene.
I’ve been reading a little Henri Nouwen lately. Specifically, writings on Peace and Justice compiled by John Dear in The Road to Peace. The following paragraph is from p. 170, regarding Nouwen’s experience with the L’Arche community. If you’ve never heard of L’Arche, here’s first a statement from their website:
We are people, with and without developmental disabilities, sharing life in communities belonging to an International Federation. Mutual relationships and trust in God are at the heart of our journey together. We celebrate the unique value of every person and recognize our need of one another.
There is much from this book that I would love to share with you, because of the way Nouwen’s words have reached into my soul. He draws out an understanding of my longings and lovingly, graciously, points towards Christ while challenging me to embrace who I am in Christ by opening myself to others.
L’Arche is such a gift to the world because L’Arche wants to proclaim to the world that suffering is no longer in the way of glory, but the way to it. L’Arche wants to proclaim this not first of all by words, but by faithfulness to those for whom suffering and guilt are so hard to separate. And those are not only the handicapped men and women in our communities, but the assistants, priests, directors, and board members as well. Oh, how much do you and I and all our brothers and sisters in the human family need to hear the words: “Oh, foolish people, don’t you know that our suffering has been freed by God from the demonic power of guilt and has been made into the way to glory?” But we keep forgetting it. We keep flagellating ourselves. We keep giving in to self-rejection and depression. We have to be taught over and over again the true meaning of the scriptures so that our hearts can start to burn again and our eyes and ears can be opened to the greatest message of hope ever brought to us.
What a holiday. I am still waking up from the late nights out.
I can’t remember the last time I experienced such a gamut of emotions/thoughts in such a short period of time.
Anxiety/stress; Joy; Peace; Confusion; Hope; Pain; Fear; Anger; Heartache; Happiness; Longing; Confidence; Shyness; Wonder; Emptiness; Trusting
My mind has been spinning.
Getting real. read more…
I had no idea old scars could reopen and be painful in new ways. They are mostly painful when they involve people I care about. I also forget how innately selfish I am. Please pray for my heart. It hurts today. Take it to the cross, Kyla, take it to the cross.
If you read that word enough times, it starts to look misspelled.
Yes, I have lived in Nashville for two years. For as long as I lived in DC. I feel significantly older. The last year, has been, well, weird. I really can’t come up with another word. Weird. Yes, that describes it. My old professors would cringe.
2009 in review:
- Thanksgiving with family in Mississippi, where i read all but the last 2 chapters of To Kill a Mockingbird
- Christmas with my family and a cardboard cutout of my brother
- Texas in January for said brother’s AF basic training graduation, reunions with friends
- Support raising and letter-writing
- Traveled to Botswana and South Africa
- Read Anna Karenina
- Read lots of other books.
- www.peoplelovingnashville.com
- Applied to 100+ jobs
- Road-tripped to California, which included two reunions, and Disneyland
- Spent lots of time with my family in Nebraska
- Family Reunion! Every August.
- Began writing real letters
- Lauren visited!
- Jonathan visited!
- Dr. Johnson visited!
- Quit a job, lived unemployed, started a new job
- Moved out, house-hopped, moved in
- Prayed
- Didn’t date. With the exception of, um, two ‘just friends’ dinners and Disneyland.
- Began training for 1/2 marathon
- Let go of a few things
- Attended a wedding/roommate reunion in Seattle
- Went to the famous Route 66 stop: Loveless Cafe
- And just last week: Read the last two chapters of To Kill a Mockingbird.
The Top Ten Things I Learned From A Weekend With Former Housemates:
10. You can put a piano on wheels and play it on a street corner
9. It’s a lot more fun to be silly in a group of people when others are being silly with you, and weddings do not mean that silliness goes out the window
8. “Monk Fish Puller” is an actual job title
7. When I laugh hysterically for hours, I will end up with a headache instead of tears.
6. Taylor, the Latte boy will never cease to entertain
5. Weddings do not have to be expensive to be AWESOME
4. The “Sound” is actually the name of a body of water.
3. A vivid reminder of how God goes out of his way for us. Among many ways He showed up over the weekend, present at the wedding was the couple who GAVE my former housemate an engagement ring
2. Inside jokes never grow old
And the number one fact that I learned over the weekend?
1. The guest bathroom in our house proudly houses Robert F. Kennedy’s toilet.
Contentment.
What does that mean? The writer* of Ecclesiastes spends a lot of time discussing contentment. Over and over I read that “life is meaningless” yet still the writer manages to convince me that there is purpose and enjoyment in this meaningless life.
“For who knows what is good for a man in life, during the few and meaningless days he passes through like a shadow? Who can tell him what will happen under the sun after he is gone?”
“Do not say, “Why were the old days better than these?”
For it is not wise to ask such questions.”“It is good to grasp the one
and not let go of the other.
The man who fears God will avoid all extremesThere is not a righteous man on earth
who does what is right and never sins.”
As I’m thinking about the things that I long for, search for, and chase after, I read these and remember what this life is for. Life is not meant to be ‘accomplished’, but to be enjoyed. If you read the entire book though, you’ll also read that enjoyment doesn’t mean wasted.
Do not be overwicked,
and do not be a fool—
why die before your time?
There is much that my soul is longing for. I’ve determined that there will always be something I’m longing for. What I haven’t figured out is how to still long for those things, while resting in contentment of the present. But hey, I’m still young, so I’m working on the assumption that I’ve got some time to figure it out.
However many years a man may live,
let him enjoy them all.
But let him remember the days of darkness,
for they will be many.
Everything to come is meaningless.Be happy, young man, while you are young,
and let your heart give you joy in the days of your youth.
Follow the ways of your heart
and whatever your eyes see,
but know that for all these things
God will bring you to judgment.So then, banish anxiety from your heart
and cast off the troubles of your body,
for youth and vigor are meaningless.**
*do we know who wrote it? I’m thinking no, but I’ve been wrong before.
**thanks to Biblegateway.com
There is nothing in the world better than truly being known. I am convinced of this. To be known by another and still loved, how incredible it is to experience that.
This woman would agree:
Jesus, worn out by the trip, sat down at the well. It was noon. A woman, a Samaritan, came to draw water. Jesus said, “Would you give me a drink of water?” (His disciples had gone to the village to buy food for lunch.)
The Samaritan woman, taken aback, asked, “How come you, a Jew, are asking me, a Samaritan woman, for a drink?” (Jews in those days wouldn’t be caught dead talking to Samaritans.)
Jesus answered, “If you knew the generosity of God and who I am, you would be asking me for a drink, and I would give you fresh, living water.”
The woman said, “Sir, you don’t even have a bucket to draw with, and this well is deep. So how are you going to get this ‘living water’? Are you a better man than our ancestor Jacob, who dug this well and drank from it, he and his sons and livestock, and passed it down to us?”
Jesus said, “Everyone who drinks this water will get thirsty again and again. Anyone who drinks the water I give will never thirst—not ever. The water I give will be an artesian spring within, gushing fountains of endless life.”
The woman said, “Sir, give me this water so I won’t ever get thirsty, won’t ever have to come back to this well again!” He said, “Go call your husband and then come back.”
“I have no husband,” she said.
”That’s nicely put: ‘I have no husband.’ You’ve had five husbands, and the man you’re living with now isn’t even your husband. You spoke the truth there, sure enough.”
“Oh, so you’re a prophet! Well, tell me this: Our ancestors worshiped God at this mountain, but you Jews insist that Jerusalem is the only place for worship, right?”
“Believe me, woman, the time is coming when you Samaritans will worship the Father neither here at this mountain nor there in Jerusalem. You worship guessing in the dark; we Jews worship in the clear light of day. God’s way of salvation is made available through the Jews. But the time is coming—it has, in fact, come—when what you’re called will not matter and where you go to worship will not matter.
“It’s who you are and the way you live that count before God. Your worship must engage your spirit in the pursuit of truth. That’s the kind of people the Father is out looking for: those who are simply and honestly themselves before him in their worship. God is sheer being itself—Spirit. Those who worship him must do it out of their very being, their spirits, their true selves, in adoration.”
The woman said, “I don’t know about that. I do know that the Messiah is coming. When he arrives, we’ll get the whole story.”
“I am he,” said Jesus. “You don’t have to wait any longer or look any further.”
Just then his disciples came back. They were shocked. They couldn’t believe he was talking with that kind of a woman. No one said what they were all thinking, but their faces showed it. The woman took the hint and left. In her confusion she left her water pot. Back in the village she told the people, “Come see a man who knew all about the things I did, who knows me inside and out. Do you think this could be the Messiah?” And they went out to see for themselves. (taken from www.biblegateway.com, Message version, John Chapter 4)
There haven’t been many times when I’ve felt truly known by another person. However, after living in this house for two years,
With these ladies, 
and going through the many joys and growing pains of living in community, we became rather close. Next weekend, I have the privledge of going to this wedding, and spending some precious moments with my old housemates.
I. can’t. wait.
Thank you, precious Jesus, for knowing me and for allowing us to live in community where we can experience you through each other.
*disclaimer: one housemate is missing from these photos! I couldn’t get it to upload.
Part 5: El fin y el presente. Todo es nuevo
I hope you enjoyed the catch-up story over the last few days. I stopped blogging awhile back for many reasons. There were so many new things and transitions going on in my life. Everything was changing and uncertain. In the midst of that, I was in year 1.5 of culture shock after moving to Nashville. This tends to be the time in a move for me when I want out, am not sure what to do, and feel desperately empty and alone. When I look through my history, this is true for every time I’ve moved (which has been quite a lot). Add to that the uncertainty of general life, and I had my hands/mind full.
My community was shifting. Again. Over and over I heard that Holy Spirit telling me to stay. For once, just stay. The easy thing would be to move and start over again. I knew that in the end that wouldn’t hold true, for according to history, in less than 2 years I’d be in this same emotional turmoil. So I stayed. I still don’t know what that means here. For now it means that I have a steady job (thank you, to Luke, who had this job before me and moved to Lincoln, Nebraska of all places), a place not only to store the belongings God has given me but to live with them, a city that I don’t get lost in as much because I finally know my way around, a car that is miraculously still running, and a slowly growing group of friends. It means attempting to train for a 1/2 marathon in April, spending every Monday night with the Homeless, trying to get out of debt, and spending lots of time in prayer.
Work is slowing down a little, so in my free time I’ll try to blog, but my community has shifted. For one, I have coworkers! I don’t sit in an empty room by myself all day and hope for life on the internet. I’m going to try and do other things. Life-giving things (for you, Sarah). Maybe I’ll write a book. Maybe I’ll exercise more. Maybe I’ll volunteer more or get a second job. Either way, I’m back on the blog with a new look and a new perspective. The end and the present. Everything is new.
All praise and glory to the Lord Jesus Christ.
